welcome to my tea party

by myjaundicedeye

Tea Party 2:24:15

 Disclaimer: Dear readers, some of the opinions expressed below may not square with your political views, but MJE has never been one to hide her lefty light under a bushel so you probably already know that. Read no further if you think it might cause a rift in either our personal or virtual relationship. 

I just got one of the most unexpected telephone calls of my life! One I never thought possible. No, I didn’t win the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes, and no MJE’s 45 year old daughter didn’t finally get a job. (but thanks for bringing up that painful situation), and no our son hasn’t repaid the $10,000 we lent him for a down payment on his house. No…. wait for it….it was from the TEA PARTY!!!!!!!!

I couldn’t believe my eyes when “tea party “popped up on the caller ID. Usually I ignore political phone calls or tell them I’m dead but this was one I just had to take.

A very nice man asked if I might like to be part of a survey for the Tea Party. You bet your pitiful excuse for a job I would!

Let the games begin.

Q: What do you think about Mr. Obama’s inability to get anything done?

A: Kinda tough to get much done when it’s 301 against 1. The fact that the country has been in a legislation- free zone since 2009 sits squarely in the laps of the self-aggrandizing numbskulls in congress who put their political futures before what is good for the country. As far as I can tell all they do is sit around with their thumbs up their asses, pointing their fingers across the aisle and clacking their jaws whenever a TV camera comes into view.  Oh and wasting time and taxpayer money trying to kick out a gazillion illegal immigrants (they better start learning how to mow their own lawns and throw up sheetrock.)

Q: Why hasn’t Mr. Obama done anything in the last six years to improve the economy?

A: Oh, you mean like bringing the US back from the edge of the financial abyss that arrived on his inaugural day doorstep like a bag of dog doo in a burning paper bag? Or reducing the unemployment rate by about half, or overseeing an impressive increase in GDP and industrial production, a rebound of the housing market and a stock market that is up hundreds of points…oh and BTW ending our misguided war in Iraq which cost billions of dollars and thousands of US lives and god knows how many Iraqis’? Would you like me to continue? And make sure you get this all down. Not a problem, “it was being recorded”, and probably forwarded directly to the NSA.

Q: What do you think of Sarah Palin? (That question alone made me rethink my not believing in god.)

A: Sarah Palin is an uneducated, intellectually lazy, narcissistic imbecile whose greatest achievement was getting a man like John McCain to abandon his principles and tarnish both his reputation and a lifetime of service to his country by putting her on the republican ticket as his running mate. That and giving me a reason to watch Saturday Night Live for the first time since 1983.

Q: What do you think of Ted Cruz as a possible presidential candidate?

A: Ted Cruz is a dangerous ideological crank who behaves like a petulant child when he doesn’t get his way. Unwillingness to compromise is his signature move, increasingly alienating his fellow legislators and hindering any congressional action but beloved by the hard right. His “my way or the highway” mentality is antithetical to the democratic values of this country and the US Senate. He is also a dead ringer for Joe McCarthy which is reason enough not to want to be in the same room with him.

Q: Well how about Rand Paul?

A: Rand Paul is an antigovernment nut job who doesn’t want to have the US government intruding in people’s lives, unless you are an unborn fetus. And despite being a physician who knows full well the benefits of vaccinations he shamelessly pandered to the anti-vaccination fringe, citing some anecdotal bull crap about normal children being turned into cretins as a result of vaccines. For that he should have his medical license revoked. And he looks like Spongebob Squarepants.

Q: What do you think is the best solution to the deficit?

A: Well that’s a no-brainer, cut government spending, specifically the salaries, benefits and staff of the 535 members of congress. With their abysmal performance record, they would be booted out of any private sector position, after which they better not count on unemployment benefits.

At the conclusion of the survey the caller chirped “It sounds like you’d be a great addition to our tea party team!”

Even MJE couldn’t make this stuff up. God bless America.