tatt’s all folks
Big doings this past weekend for MJE & Co. Bandeliera-Saturnalia graduated from college! The world is now her oyster, but she’ll need to get her own oyster knife because ours is still in use…
At B-S’s request, we flew her mother Albatross, and her younger brother Krylon in from the west coast for the momentous event. Krylon was born one day shy of B-S’s 17th birthday. Albatross realized that upon the occasion of her daughter’s 18th she faced an existential threat: financial self-reliance. That her parental enablers, having long been extorted to pay expenses for housing, education, orthodontia, travel, assorted camps, extracurricular activities, etc. up to and including raising B-S for a number of years, might pare down or downright eliminate future monetary pounds of flesh. Well, Albatross didn’t fall off the rotten tomato truck yesterday. She did what any shrewd deadbeat would do, brought forth into this world another golden ticket. In the high stakes poker game of a familial freeloader’s life, a grandchild is the ultimate trump card.
MJE and the OB&C have long debated the potential depths of depravity of her lifestyle, but like any good parents have elected to table that discussion until we have more time in the hereafter. However just before Albatross and Krylon arrived, a friend emailed me some pix that Albatross had posted on her face book page. And what do you know! A Gangstress Extraordinaire! Sideways baseball capped, skank tank topped, short, short shorted, and literally inked to the hilt: both shoulders, foot, ankle, wrist and certainly untold areas blessedly, albeit scantily obscured. I’m not sure, but I bet it’s pretty goddam expensive to look that goddam cheap.
The one bright spot in the Albatross tattuation is that in the blistering heat of a South Carolina summer, at the extremely long graduation ceremony of her wonderful daughter from a conservative, tradition-bound college, she was compelled to wear the equivalent of widows’ weeds to cover them all up. I hope sweet jesus answered my prayer and made them polyester.
But Albatross and Krylon are back on the other side of the continent by now and truth be told, it did MJE a world of good. The last four days have made me look forward to my first three hours of chemo tomorrow with a song in my heart.