god is my campaign manager

by myjaundicedeye

god is my campaign manager

You know things are really and truly in the political dumpster when ted cruz is considered to be the great taupe hope of the republican party. The sages caution us that those who don’t study history are doomed to repeat it. MJE agrees, the careful examination of political history may well result in its repetition, which is just what cruz’s spin doctor ordered.

Back in the last golden era of Louisiana politics, before right wing dweebs like Bobby Jindal and his ilk threw a wet blanket over the electoral fun, we had Edwin Edwards. He was a rapscallion of the highest order, beloved by all who appreciated his dexterity with legal technicalities as well as the English language. He once proudly proclaimed that the only way he’d ever get thrown out of office would be if he were “caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.” And he wasn’t far wrong.

In 1991 Edwin was running for his fourth non-consecutive term as governor. The feds had been sniffing around him for years, suspecting all manner of skullduggery. That baliwick is so common that any Louisiana politico not under investigation demonstrates a breathtaking lack of ambition. Edwin’s best hope was to compete against an opponent even more unsavory than he was. Enter stage far right david duke, a white supremacist and former KKK grand wizard. Only in Louisiana would you find political bumper stickers that read “Vote for the crook. It’s important.” I suspect that edwin’s craven cronies recognized divine intervention when they saw it and surely a local nazi and aspiring politician was a gift from the gods. But how would a reviled figure like david duke manage to raise the substantial funds necessary to wage what appeared to be a “legitimate” campaign. The answer just might be from the one source that really, really wanted him on the ballot. The Silver Fox handily won the election.

The parallels to the current republican frontrunners are striking. How could mr cruz, the most detested member of congress (and beyond) possibly win the nomination? The man who just weeks ago was described as so loathed by his colleagues that he could be murdered on the senate floor in full view of the members and the murderer would be acquitted for lack of an eye witness. Perhaps the self-righteous evangelical called upon the gods for a similar divine intervention. “Please god, send me an opponent even more repellent than I am, if such a specimen walks this earth. “

And so sayeth the lord, I deliver unto you donald trump. Verily, of all my creations, he alone has the ability to make you seem tolerable and that my son is one hellova miracle.