my jaundiced eye

the absurdities of life

Month: August, 2016

shrillary

shrillary

MJE gave the conald the what-for in the last post so in the interest of being fair and balanced I am training my sights on shrillary. There is so much to “unpack” there as the news nerds like to opine, but I really have just one fundamental question for her: why the hell didn’t she get a fricking face lift before she started running for president????

Did she think it would make her seem overly concerned about her appearance at the expense of being taken seriously? That it was too “girly”? WTF, look at john boehner and his man tan. He doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anybody thinks, he’s going orange or he’s going home. Or the conald for god’s sake, that comb over has enough product in it to meet the building code in tampa. You think he cares what people think, hell no, because he knows that everyone in the world, in the world, thinks his hair is great looking, so great looking.

But it’s not too late… if she gets elected, MJE thinks she damned well deserves to have a little work done. She’s got three months between election day and the inaugural, plenty of time for the swelling and bruising to go down. And I think everyone would applaud her bold move. I know I would. Aren’t we supposed to be in a post feminist world, whatever the hell that means. Listen, just because she’s the first female american president doesn’t mean she has to be a dead ringer for angela merkel, crap isn’t it enough that they obviously share a closet?

I know there are people who really just want her in shackles (better get XL, have you seen those ankles?) and hauled off to jail just because she’s a technoanderthal and couldn’t face having to figure out another whole email and phone thing. I am so with you sister, I’m asking santa for one of those jitterbug phones with the really big buttons that does nothing but make telephone calls. But I guess you can’t have one of those when you are secretary of state or president. So kick it old school, with real hand-written communications. After all we have the crazy amazing USPS at our beck and call, one forever stamp and done. Yes, the world crises may take a bit longer to be resolved but what’s a year or two in the great scheme of things? And, bonus points, you can blame the postmaster general if the entire middle east blows up.

But I guess MJE does have to address the nagging questions of shillary’s unfavorability/ untrustworthiness ratings…well you got me there. She reminds me of my hard-ass boarding school housemother, but with really elastic ethics. Mrs. Bumwad unfortunately never gave an inch when it came to everything from the dress code to the honor code. I know MJE speaks for the entire st. adnoid’s student population in saying that an occasional blind eye to misdeeds would have been greatly appreciated. Getting away with something you shouldn’t is a terrific morale booster as well as a great team builder. That’s probably why people working for shrillary are so loyal. AAA+ rating on glass door!

So the bottom line is: in this election cycle, if shrillary is elected, we have some hope but probably not much change. If not we’ll have plenty of change but little hope.

shrillary vs the conald

shrillery vs the conald 2

Okay for better or worse we’ve got our candidates: shrillary vs the conald. A hobson’s choice: sane but shifty or daft and dangerous. MJE is definitely more comfortable with a candidate who shades the truth (like who doesn’t every once in a while, seriously) than with someone who occupies an alternative reality: crooked hillary or demented donald.

But apparently the conald’s supporters have been over-served the koo-koo koolaid and stand behind him despite his seeming total ignorance of world events, his enmity toward people of different skin tones or religious affiliations and thinner skin than a spanish onion.

But let’s us give conald, credit where credit is due, he as a master at feeding his supporters just the right amount of pre-digested political pablum for them to intellectually absorb. His “solution” to every problem is reduced to as few monosyllabic words as possible, “build a wall,” “ban muslims,” “deport illegal aliens.” MJE’s suspects that the conald’s phraseology kills two birds with one stone: satisfies the appetite for simplistic solutions and allows the conald to get away without having to provide substantive answers to the country’s problems. And according to him, when the conald peers down from the tippy top of trump tower his view is of a country that has nothing but problems.

And poor mike pence (words I never thought would pass my lips), every time I see him standing behind trump he looks like he’s passing a kidney stone. But hey, he chose to throw his morals and christian values under the trump jumbo jet for the sake of….uhhh, what? Mike, Mike, Mike, ask yourself WWJD? So MJE’s sympathies are somewhat wan. Hey, if you hitch your political wagon to an egomaniacal stupid head whose sole raison d’etre seems to be to elevate himself to an object of unconditional adulation from the unthinking masses, well then my man you two are headed for the same special place in hell.

The conald has perverted the notion of the politician’s mantra of self-sacrificing public service to one of self-serving brand promotion.

Or is MJE just another loser who doesn’t get it?