grope a dope

by myjaundicedeye

conald-2-1

MJE is extremely sorry about the long lapse since the last post but I am virtually paralyzed by an election cycle so bizarre that even MJE’s twisted mind could not conjure it up. WTF is going on in this nutso country? How did our much lauded democratic landscape devolve into a huge septic field full of exactly what one would expect to find there. And worse, ever the gimlet eyed realist, MJE sees this fecal swamp expanding faster than the louisiana coastline is disappearing, and I fear that the toxic level of anger and resentment that the american populace seems to harbor against one another isn’t likely to dissipate come November 9.

That said, there is enough gallows humor to put a smile on even rudy giuliani’s disturbingly frightening bug eyed mug. When surrogates like rudy and newt start hopping on their high horses about fidelity and trust you really do begin to think you are living in the upside down, (see: Netflix: stranger things) an alternate reality that is a very dark and dangerous replication of the real thing. A world in which a man running for president of the united states can create a fact-free bubble in which everything he claims to be true is belied by what has actually transpired and verified either by his own words or by those of witnesses, yet is still swallowed snout to tail by his unquestioning followers.

Sorry, was trying to find something humorous in this scenario…stop. RESET.

Let’s take the debates…no seriously…take them, please. As I write this, I am watching the conald rant and rave over the allegations that shrillary was given the questions and answers for her debate with bernie, in advance, something which the conald is whining NEVER happened to him. 😦   No shite sherlock…what sane person would provide you with the garbled, irrational word salad that constituted your “answers”?

Let’s just relive a few of the agonizingly erratic, uninformed and mind bogglingly unhinged responses the conald provided when he wasn’t lurching around the stage like a guy looking for his glasses, until finally settling in so close behind shrillary that they might have been jammed in a crowded subway car.

Q: mr trump, what specific plans do you have to alleviate the wealth gap between the super rich and the poor of this country?

A: benghazi

Q: mr trump, could you please elaborate?

A: emails

Q: mr trump, how could a person who describes himself as the greatest deal-maker of all time manage to lose almost a billion dollars in one year in a rising real estate market?

A: isis

Q: mr. trump, you dismiss your incredibly disgusting, misogynistic comments about assaulting women as “locker room” talk? Have you ever actually been in a locker room?

A: Hell no! Are you kidding? Do you know how many athlete foot germs there are in a place like that? I wouldn’t go into a locker room if it were the only place on earth where I could grope a woman without witnesses! I mean look at my physique, do I look like someone who wastes my precious time in a gym?

Q: mr trump, after your having disparaged hispanics, muslims, immigrants, women, veterans, gold star families and the republican establishment (so far), how do you think that there are enough voters left in the country to get you elected?

A: Stupid question. Really stupid. You are a total loser moderator. But I’ll answer it since I’m stuck here for 90 minutes anyway. If I can get away without paying federal income tax for almost two decades, very publicly cheat on my wife, describe my daughter as “a nice piece of ass,” gloat about my ability to sexually assault women without consequence, declare bankruptcy six times and stiff hundreds of contractors and small businesses, illegally fund my campaign from my eponymous 5013c non profit foundation to which I haven’t actually donated in years, renege on a promise to contribute to a veterans support organization (until publicly shamed and then reluctantly contributing with funds from said foundation that had actually been received from other non-profits), have all of my crappy trump label suits, ties, sans-a-belt slacks, jock straps, support hose, and mens’ anklet golf socks made in china and cambodia while convincing my zombie followers that I will bring jobs back to america, then trust me, I can be elected president. I promise you.

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