the first 100 days

by myjaundicedeye

first 100 days

MJE has been looking back at these past 100 days of the trump administration’s frightening bumbling ineptitude and marveling at how the country has held up under the pressure. Those snooty brits with their snide stiff upper lips have nothing on us.

Right out of the gate trump declared a ban on muslims or anyone who might look like one, entering the country, alienating a pretty huge chunk of the earth’s population, by which I mean humans. Fortunately that little bit o’ racism was shot down fairly quickly. Trump’s team, undeterred, took another bite at that poison apple and again got squashed. 0 for 2

So moving on to repealing obamacare, which for god’s sake should have been a slam-dunk. The congressional republicans have voted to do just that every day they’ve been in session for the past eight years (about 83 working days in toto by my count.) They now have control of both houses of congress and the white house (if you think that this white house can in fact be controlled) yet it turns out that lots of people who never had health insurance before obamacare (presumably many of whom voted for trump and the republican congressional candidates) have it now and they don’t want to give it up…gee, who knew? 0 for 3

But, let’s not forget all those executive orders flying out of the oval office. Gutting regulations, waiving ethics rules, eliminating funding for scientific research, etc. But what about the big stuff? Jobs! Infrastructure! Tax reform!

MJE proposes the following bold actions to quickly accomplish a number of trump’s fantastic goals and huge campaign promises:

Eliminating funding for the restoration of the great lakes and chesapeake bay is all well and good, but what about jobs? Why not kill two (endangered) birds with one stone. Put forth the largest most phenomenal job creation project in the history of the country: fill the damned things in. Talk about shovel ready infrastructure! Imagine millions of americans dumping tons upon tons of tar sands into those huge aquatic money pits. Once complete, it would be ideal terrain for low-income housing developments, again, more jobs!

What about the beautiful wall? Turns out it’s a bit more expensive than anticipated and the government can’t use corporate tax loopholes or stiff sub-contractors to bring the cost down. So how’s this for a plan, all those lead pipes in flint michigan have to come out, right? They gotta go somewhere…how about piled up along the mexican border, and bonus points!!! all those illegals scrambling over them will probably get lead poisoning. But then, bummer, we’d be stuck with a whole lot of undocumented immigrants too sick to hang dry wall.

Tax reform is simply too boring for MJE to think about. I’ll leave that to jarred, he’s got a 2pm on thursday open.