how can’t I kill thee, let me count the ways

ten ways not to kill someone

Disclaimer: MJE is writing the following simply as an observation of the current screwed-up state of affairs in the execution biz. So cool your jets.

I just read an article about states having trouble figuring out how to execute people. Really? Schedule a field trip to the hood in any city and you’ll get a pretty quick tutorial. It’s not that hard, the douchebags you are trying to dispatch managed to get it right, and probably more than once.

But no, the bureaucratic cretins in the prison system insist on making it so complicated that they can’s figure out their own protocols and as a result can’t manage to off anyone. The following is from a recent article in the New York Times:

Oklahoma last week halted the execution of Richard E. Glossip, who was part of the challenge the Supreme Court had turned down, after officials realized two hours before it was to take place that the state’s supplier had sent prison officials the wrong drug. The error, which led to a stay of all executions, had occurred at least once before. Oklahoma executed an inmate in January using that wrong drug — potassium acetate instead of the potassium chloride that is required under the state’s protocol

But it gets even better, now the prisons can’t get their hands on the drugs they think they need because US suppliers don’t want to have anything to do with the dimwits. As a result, they are are ordering their snuff stuff from abroad, which the FDA says is illegal. Seriously, even MJE couldn’t make this crap up.

The final piece in this tableau of idiocy is the question of sedation and duration. How hard is that. Michael Jackson sedated himself to smithereens, get what he used! And duration, really? Dying takes time, just like birth, and MJE don’t hear anybody angsting over how long it takes for a pain-wracked woman to dilate and deliver.

If you are in the business of performing capitol punishment then follow Nike’s advice and “Just Do It.” Or call a veterinarian.