follicles R us


MJE never thought she would welcome the sight of postmenopausal facial hair but by gosh by golly she does now! Yesterday I looked in my 10X mag mirror/heart breaker and saw the makings of my old soul patch below my lower lip. Hopefully that means that my skull will be following suit. Must say that achieving a state of hairlessness is about the best thing about chemotherapy that I’ve found. Yeh, it kills cancer cells but let’s be realistic sisters, bare armpits and legs are a pretty appealing outward indication of interior destruction.

MJE can cover her bald pate with a variety of things that scream “there’s no hair under here” but eyebrows are another problem altogether. So a couple of weeks ago, I ordered a crapload of generic (Kirkland brand from Costo) rogaine, aka minoxidil. Unfortunately, as is so often the case with internet impulse buying, I didn’t bother to read either the return policy or the list of contraindications of use. FYI: The answer is no to the first and plenty to the second.

I have to admit that the fairly prominent warning that under no circumstances should the product be used by women did give me pause. But not for long. MJE did what any right minded person would do and headed straight for the internet, the ultimate source for detours around all inconvenient truths. The Mayo Clinic site said you go girl! MD Anderson said go full strength or go home! Who is MJE to argue with these eminent bastions of medicine?

Having willingly disregarded the penultimate dictate, MJE decided that perhaps a more thorough review of the tiny print couldn’t hurt. The caution not to apply it where you don’t want to grow hair seemed somewhat self-evident. Then there was the caveat not to use it when you are pregnant or breastfeeding. Well, since they already told us women are not to use it, no way no how, I guess that means that they assume women will ignore that bit. Finally they strongly advised not to use minoxidil on babies or children. So, what, now in addition to thinking women either can’t or won’t pay attention to or abide by their rules they think we’re monsters?

Consumer Alert: If your feelings or the feelings of your loved ones of the female gender have been hurt by the condescending misogynistic product warnings of Minoxidil call Weenie N. Wringer, Attorney at Law.

One call, it’s small.