my jaundiced eye

the absurdities of life

Category: family drama

the joys of burdenhood

the joys of burdenhood

Well it has been a difficult stretch chez MJE. The OB&C and I have been desperately trying to extricate ourselves from our daughter Albatross’s lifelong self-induced financial plight. A pretty bad seed  from the get go she has blossomed through the years into an extremely onerous and invasive plant. She has, however produced two wonderful children, which is about as miraculous as the immaculate conception. And of course grand children are the ultimate insurance policy. Lifetime coverage.

Loyal readers are familiar with one of the children, Bandoliera-Saturnalia whom we raised and who has now graduated from college and flown off to New York to break into the art biz. That is not quite as easy as it seemed from the comfort of her apartment above our garage. She did luck into some great digs on Bleecker Street, which she is enjoying immensely. It goes without saying that it’s on our dime. But she at least is somewhat gainfully employed at one of those stores that sell absurdly priced “bohemian” clothing and faux vintage stuff. Sadly, she is partial to both of those and I suspect will never bring home any actual money. But man she and her apartment will be lookin’ good!

But back to Albatross, as I may have mentioned in a previous post, one day shy of B-S’s 17th birthday, just when we thought our necks might be unburdened, the aforementioned up and produced another child, Krylon. A sweet and bright boy, the OB&C was immediately smitten. And god knows (which theoretically he should and for which he earns a major black mark in my book) it’s not his fault he is saddled with Albatross as a mother. As dark and inventive as MJE’s imagination is even I cannot conjure up what sort of wildly dysfunctional world he might inhabit.

The OB&C and I are footing the bill for a private school for Krylon (with roughly the same tuition as Princeton) so he might have a fleeting glimpse of what “normal” people are like. However, normal in northern CA would never pass muster in most other places. Case in point, the school refuses to celebrate Columbus Day, choosing instead to celebrate Indigenous People day. Well sunbeams, have you ever seen sears or home depot offer blockbuster deals during their indigenous people day sales?

And so the noose remains tightly knotted until MJE and the OB&C firmly resolve to cut it and let Krylon’s chips fall where they may. When we do, if given the option we’d like to have it done by guillotine if possible.

tatt’s all folks

 tat's off to you

Big doings this past weekend for MJE & Co. Bandeliera-Saturnalia graduated from college! The world is now her oyster, but she’ll need to get her own oyster knife because ours is still in use…

At B-S’s request, we flew her mother Albatross, and her younger brother Krylon in from the west coast for the momentous event. Krylon was born one day shy of B-S’s 17th birthday. Albatross realized that upon the occasion of her daughter’s 18th she faced an existential threat: financial self-reliance. That her parental enablers, having long been extorted to pay expenses for housing, education, orthodontia, travel, assorted camps, extracurricular activities, etc. up to and including raising B-S for a number of years, might pare down or downright eliminate future monetary pounds of flesh. Well, Albatross didn’t fall off the rotten tomato truck yesterday. She did what any shrewd deadbeat would do, brought forth into this world another golden ticket. In the high stakes poker game of a familial freeloader’s life, a grandchild is the ultimate trump card.

MJE and the OB&C have long debated the potential depths of depravity of her lifestyle, but like any good parents have elected to table that discussion until we have more time in the hereafter. However just before Albatross and Krylon arrived, a friend emailed me some pix that Albatross had posted on her face book page. And what do you know! A Gangstress Extraordinaire! Sideways baseball capped, skank tank topped, short, short shorted, and literally inked to the hilt: both shoulders, foot, ankle, wrist and certainly untold areas blessedly, albeit scantily obscured. I’m not sure, but I bet it’s pretty goddam expensive to look that goddam cheap.

The one bright spot in the Albatross tattuation is that in the blistering heat of a South Carolina summer, at the extremely long graduation ceremony of her wonderful daughter from a conservative, tradition-bound college, she was compelled to wear the equivalent of widows’ weeds to cover them all up. I hope sweet jesus answered my prayer and made them polyester.

But Albatross and Krylon are back on the other side of the continent by now and truth be told, it did MJE a world of good. The last four days have made me look forward to my first three hours of chemo tomorrow with a song in my heart.