Holy mother of pearl… how in less than a day did the conald manage to piss off all of our closest allies, basically telling them to go fork themselves, because we are goddam america and we don’t need you pathetic needy pipsqueaks. Not in the trenches, not in the foxholes, not in the deserts of the middle east and especially not in any trading partnerships. The photo of merkel and macron leaning over the table giving our petulant president a what for really said it all. But honey badger, he don’t give a shit.
The conald ditched out early from the g-7 (or g-6 as it is now being called since he made it plain that poppa’s got a brand new bag o’ of totalitarian bitches to hang with) because he was itching to jet to singapore for an historic tete a tete with kimchee, the infamous two bit dictator who imprisons and kills his own people (and familial competitors) not to mention threatens the world with nuclear annihilation. Totally get it. Our own dear leader, the “dealmaker” in chief, who could in his own words tell within 60 seconds if this “summit” had been worth the time and effort, apparently had his signals jammed by the north koreans or the chinese or both because it took him almost ten minutes to fold like a cheap suitcase and get zippo from kimchee in return…talk about a singapore sling! No more military exercises with the south koreans, sure whatever, relax the sanctions, why not, and most importantly the possibility of a trump golf resort in what is currently a wasteland devoid of vegetation or anything else the starving north koreans could get their hands on, absolutely! Cheap real estate and an even cheaper experienced hard working labor force, straight from the gulags. Let’s make a deal!
After the meeting the conald and kimchee did the secret handshake and stood shoulder to shoulder smiling before an array of flags of both nations. The conald beaming because he thought he’d just nailed that nobel thing and kimchee smiling because he couldn’t believe how easy it was to buffalo this idiot. He had to be thinking, can you believe this guy’s standing next to me smiling like a miss universe contestant when I’ve just picked both his pockets, in front of the entire world? Hilarious! And btw you should have seen how he begged me to tell him the secret to getting all my people to idolize me and paint my face on everything when all he could get was a few lousy gold plated signs (that he had to pay for) in front of a couple of crummy buildings. And damn he was positively horny for my military parades.
Smile on kimchee you have absolutely earned the right to gloat. Our president’s misguided belief in his own invincibility won’t allow him to entertain the notion that he’s been played, that he didn’t win the game. That he is a loser. Wait, what? That’s impossible in trumpworld! Didn’t happen, could never happen. The conald may not have mastered the ability to get all americans to exhibit the blind idolatry of the people of north korea yet but he’s certainly learned one thing: the art of creating propaganda flicks that extol his absolute superiority, despite all evidence to the contrary. All you doubting thomases out there, how about you get comfy in your barcaloungers and watch his team’s cringe worthy cinematic celebration of his incredible summit victory and learn the real truth.
Cue the painters!