The following is taken almost verbatim (with a bit of well deserved MJE embellishment) from the actual wedding website of a member of the OB&C’s family. To be crystal clear, not one of my kinfolk. The names have been changed to protect the profoundly narcissistic. I chose not to include the “entourage” section with head shots of the bridesmaids and groomsmen, brief bios and their deeply personal histories with the bridal couple. And sadly I could not include the “gallery” of selfies of the lovely couple taken during their jaunts around the globe. Major landmarks are helpfully included in the background of each photo to ensure that unsophisticated viewers don’t miss the sheer fabulousness of their exotic, exclusive and obviously expensive, destinations.
welcome to our wedding website!
We can’t wait to share our super special day with all of you. The north carolina mountains are one of our most favorite places in the world. We have traveled just about everywhere that anyone would want to go, as you know from our facebook posts, but we are thrilled to get to show you all a glimpse into our most happy place. Who knows, it may even become your very own happy place too! If it does, I am a licensed realtor and would be super excited to help you find the perfect property. Well, after our awesome over the top extended honeymoon in bali that is! If you have additional questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us. If they are real estate related, my business contact info is below.
Queen-e and gorgeous george met at a second tier college in january 2011 on the dance floor at a phi delt party during queen-e’s freshman year and gorgeous george’s senior year. They hit it off that night, and george got her “number” and a couple of days later, he called queen-e to ask her out to a date party. He continued to see her that semester, riding the campus hookuphickle to visit her at the freshman commons. Her friends were super impressed that she was dating a senior and his friends were super impressed that he was “dating” a freshman. A match made in heaven for all.
bridesmaids’ brunch thursday at 11:00am in the holler off buck belch road
Gal’s only! You boys get out on the links!
bbq and bluegrass thursday at 7:00pm by the “lake”
Bring your clogging shoes and growly tummies over to the lake where the banjos and fiddles will be whippin’ up some old timey mountain music. Don’t worry about any dueling banjos deliverance stuff here, everyone in this neck of the woods is from ponte vidra or buckhead.
welcome party friday at 9:00pm the ugly mutt saloon
We feel bad for all of you who didn’t get invited to the rehearsal dinner so we’re don’ this to cheer you up! Like you don’t feel special enough just to be included in this super great event! But we want to just make sure, so we’re havin’ a party just for you b-teamers at the ugly mutt. We’ll have even more of that good ole bluegrass music for you to enjoy washed down with some locally brewed artisanal beer or if you’re up to it some real honest to goodness moonshine. But be careful, remember this is a marathon not a sprint. Think rush week!
pre-ceremony welcome saturday 5:00pm at the farmstead
Yep, another welcome party! This is to get you pre-lubed for the night ahead! Again, think rush week, slow and steady gets the pledge card! FYI girls, flats or wedges! Leave those jmmy choo’s at home cause the incredibly picturesque farmstead is all about manicured lawns and gardens and of course a barn that martha stewart would die for. And boys, black tie is optional but preferred, this is a class act.
the ceremony saturday 5:30-6:00 pm at the farmstead
The big event! Needless to say, my dress is the best ever. But do pay extra special attention to the exquisite vintage bruges lace detail on my train and the native wildflower garland in my hair, picked that morning by my beloved.
cocktail hour 6:00-7:00pm
The bar is open!
dinner and dancing 7:00-11:00pm
You got it, more bluegrass but with enough muscle shoals thrown in to get you up and shakin’ your money makers. We’ll be switching out bbq for a prime rib carving station, sushi and lobster rolls. But we’ll also have vegetarian options, and for those of you who are doing the whole30, relax we made sure you’re totally covered!
The evening will end with personally curated fireworks as we are whisked off in a quaint horse drawn carriage! Hands up gals to catch the bouquet!
We love you guys….so please be safe getting back to wherever you are staying. Be mindful of the presence of local law enforcement (and they are everywhere) as you try to drive on the winding pitch-black mountain roads after the past three days of unbridled bacchanalia. Good luck. Really. We mean it.
p.s. My dad’s a lawyer and our liability ends at 11:00pm.
And thanks for sharing our super special wedding weekend!